I’m finding myself having a hard time taking orders from someone who stands 40” tall and wears baggy Spiderman underwear.  It’s especially hard to take orders from Mr. Spiderman pants when he pulls them up by himself (because HE CAN DO IT STOP HELPING ME MAMA), and he looks like he’s wearing a superhero thong.

I’m also trying to figure out who stole my sweet, chubby cheeked baby and replaced him with this tyrannical boy who barks out orders like some crazed Dictator.  I picture him in one of those weird jackets with epaulets, and a strange hat, standing behind a podium and slamming his fist down over and over:  “I WANT CHEDDAR BUNNIES NOW!!”, the crazed Dictator would say.  “NOW MAMA NOW!!”  And if I didn’t move fast enough, the serious men with moustaches would haul me away to a terrible chamber without snacks (or without a bar, if the Dictator was feeling especially evil that day). Then Mr. Superhero Thong would smile cruelly to himself, and strut off in search of another hapless person to yell at until he got his snack.

BB (Big Boy, my husband) and I spend astonishing amounts of time telling SB (small boy) to say, “please, thank you, excuse me”, etc., and about 75% of the time SB will remember, and the rest of the time we simply try to keep the Dictator happy.  Here’s how it sounds:

SB:  “I want juice”

Me: “what do we say?”

SB:  I WANT JUICE!!!!!! MAMAMAMAMAMAMAMA JUICE NOW!!!”

BB:  How do you ask?

SB: please…(in a little tiny voice to ensure we know he doesn’t want to say it)

And he doesn’t stop with us – he’s now trying to boss the dog around.  “STOP BARKING!!!”  “COME LICK MY FACE”  “EAT THE REST OF MY CHICKEN” (this one she’s happy to help with).  On the bright side, SB’s sister won’t put up with it – she’s a seasoned 10 year old and doesn’t scare easily, thong underwear or not.

From what I hear, it’s just a phase and you have to pick your battles, blah blah blah.  I guess it has to be or he’d be a very lonely grown man – or maybe there’s a small country out there looking for a boss?  They’d better have lots of snacks and fast service.