Adults Know Nothing. Duh.

These days, SFM (small future man) and I argue about everything.  I clearly missed something in one of those parenting books written by people with no kids, because seven year old boys know EVERYTHING, and adults are simply hapless morons that have been put on this earth to drive them around to various after school activities that they’ll never do as adults.

I’m pretty sure that if I said, “SFM, of course you can eat an entire bag of marshmallows and watch your iPad for the next 24 hours straight, burp and fart all you want, and wave your Halloween nunchucks around in the house”, he’d still find something to argue about.

Or, “SFM, of course you don’t have to feed the pets AGAIN, you did it yesterday. They can forage for crushed up pretzels and fossilized chicken under the couch cushions and drink out of the toilets. You take it easy, re-organize your Pokemon cards again, and when you’re done we’ll hop onto Amazon and buy more!”

Or, “SFM, that was the most awesome, long, drawn out burp I’ve ever heard in my whole life – I’m so proud – no more homework for you ever!  Who cares if you can’t read or spell, you want to be a mime when you grow up anyways, and the money we save on your college education can buy tons of Pokemon cards!”

Or, “SFM, no worries, you don’t need to take a shower every night – California’s still conserving water and as you get older you’ll meet lots of girls who want to date stinky guys who can’t read or spell.”

Or, “SFM, bedtime schmedtime.  Stay up as long as you want, but please wake me up in the morning so I can call school and tell them we’re going to Legoland instead of first grade.  We’ll buy every Ninjago set they have in stock and then head to Target to see if they have any more Legos to add to our 7,000,000 piece collection that you’ve shoved under the couch. Plus, the dog can eat them too!”

He’d still find something to argue about.  Guaranteed. Because I know nothing.  Duh…