Deep thoughts with A Small Boy…

SB (Small Boy) and I were lucky enough to do a little skinny dipping under the Blue Moon tonight. To make the moment more memorable, I taught him the “Star Light, Star Bright” poem. When it got to the wishing part, I quietly did the “I wish you a long and happy life, full of joy and wonder blah blah blah” parent speech and had one of those sweet, magical moments that we mamas are suckers for.

While I was basking in the moonlight with my naked little guy, SB said, “I wish I had a bucket on my head.”.

But really, who doesn’t wish for that from time to time?

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Life With a Narc

I find myself getting in trouble a lot these days, and the worst part is that it’s for stuff that I’ve told SB (small boy) NOT to do.  Some of my infractions during the past few weeks have included:

 Walking with a toothbrush in my mouth

Saying “stupid” (a big no-no when you’re in Pre-K)

Not turning off the bathroom light

Recycling improperly (I love that they’re learning this, but really?)

Crossing the driveway without looking both ways (I got in big, big trouble for this one)

 

To make it even more annoying, SB stands with his hand on his hip when he’s informing me of my misdeeds.  Then, of course, I realize that’s exactly what I do when he’s in trouble.

 

It’s no big secret that living with a little kid is like living with a parrot – he repeats EVERYTHING I say, but not only that, he reminds me when I forget something. 

That’s especially endearing after a long day.  “Mama, you said today that I could have jelly beans if I put my shoes on by myself AND YOU FORGOT!!!”  Naturally I’m reminded of this during our nightly bedtime battle.  Because everyone knows that the best way to get your kids to go to bed is to load them up with little bombs of sugar first.

And sometimes he catches me doing something naughty, like sneaking chocolate covered raisins after he’s gone to bed and I’ve finally collapsed on the couch.  Then the little Narc says something like, “if you give me a few I’ll go back to my bed and stay there ALL NIGHT”.  Isn’t that considered extortion? 

So now I lie.  Boldly and flagrantly, I flat out lie to him.  If he asks me what I’m snacking on I say, “oh, broccoli and eggs”.  Since really, there’s nothing more relaxing than laying on the couch, turning on the TV and eating broccoli.  Who needs wine?  Besides, he’d probably use it against me someday.  

Listen, Mister?!?

Small Boy and I had a five minute debate tonight about why he can’t poop in the bushes like the dog does. He even said I could pick it up with a bag (he’s thoughtful like that).

I’m proud to say I stood my ground, even when he said, “LISTEN MISTER, I’ll poop outside just like Trixie (our dog, not a stripper) does!”

Mister? Really? Not sure which is weirder, the whole pooping alfresco thing or SB calling me Mister. We’ll ignore the dog’s secret pole dancer name for now.