Now that SB and I are sailing through the terrible twos in a very leaky boat, I’m taking a fond look back at the easy baby days when he couldn’t move around a lot or say the word “NO” every three minutes.
I wish someone had told me the following things when he was little – it would have saved me a lot of time and angst:
1. Germs and dog drool won’t kill him. I sterilized everything until SB was a year old – We live in San Diego, not Bangladesh. What was I worried about? Ebola?
2. You’ll never get your pre-baby body back unless you’re J Lo. Just forget about it. Do your best and if you’re not happy, only look at your head when you pass by mirrors.
3. Pinch all those little rolls of fat as much as you can because they do eventually go away (we’re talking about the baby’s rolls now, not mama).
4. Don’t make spreadsheets showing when he eats/poops/sleeps – no one cares and it’s not that interesting.
5. Breast pumps were created by the devil and everyone hates them. If someone tells you’re they’re not that bad, they’re a liar and should be slapped immediately.
6. Travel before your kids become mobile. Once they start rolling/crawling/walking, it’s not a vacation, it’s simply a change of scenery. And think about it – do you really want to buy everyone on the plane drinks for five hours because of YOUR kid?
7. Laugh. It’s funny. Did you ever think you’d shrug off being peed on? Or go to work with baby food in your hair, milk on your shoulders, and Cheerios stuck to you back and not really care?
8. You’ll never get a full night’s sleep again for the rest of your life. Get used to it.
But then again – nothing’s that funny when you’re exhausted. So maybe I’m wrong about all of this.