In his eagerness to get to my slow, cranky, 18 year old cat who was sleeping by my head, SB (Small Boy) crawled over me and smacked his knee into my eye. You know that moment when you think, “Oh SH*T, this is going to be bad”? Well, it was.
I’ve had a black eye for over a week now, and the reactions from people have been interesting, to say the least. People either think that I’ve been beaten (the cashier at the grocery store called me “honey bunny”), or they have their own SB horror stories to share.
One person told me her son got upset, threw a cup and broke her nose, and others have had collisions similar to mine (but to our credit, none involving a cat), and all kinds of random mishaps that have resulted in parents being left bloody, bruised and battered.
As a result, I’ve determined that children are dangerous and one should either wear some sort of helmet or hockey mask whenever they’re around. Maybe one of those shark proof suits made out of chain metal, too.
So now I’m conducting a poll – share your stories with me. Oddly, most of the parent bruises/breaks were caused by boys…anyone have dangerous girls out there?
In the meantime, I’m just wearing sunglasses. I tried applying cover-up with a trowel but that looked even worse. Maybe I’ll start a fund for beaten parents. Any donors?