Quitting Cold Turkey

At the rate we’re going, SB (small boy) will be around 37 by the time he’s potty trained.  He’s almost three now and the pressure is enormous – like if he’s not wearing underwear soon I’m going to be fired.  I can hear it now, “I’m sorry mama, but it’s just not working out.  I’m going to have to let you go”. 

 To add to my angst, all the kids on our street are either in the process or have been potty trained already, and it’s really starting to get on my nerves.  No one likes a show off, especially a show off in big kid underwear. 

Of course we’re the slackers – I was just starting to feel proud that he can take his pants off without falling down most of the time (just like me), but now the potty training cloud of shame is looming over our heads.

 When we get back from visiting family next week, we’re going cold turkey.  Sure, I’m all full of spunk and bravado now, but we’ll see who breaks first.  We’re going to try the “big boy underwear all the time” approach, rather than the “naked all the time” approach, because frankly – who the hell wants to clean that up?  Since I haven’t gotten around to putting in the cement floor with the drain/hose yet, I’d rather not have to deal with the naked thing.  Not going there.

There’s so much advice out there – the good, the bad, and the truly stupid.  Have him drink a lot of liquids, eat salty foods (I don’t get that one at all), pop him on to the potty every hour, use reverse psychology, pull ups, schlep around little mini potty’s, AARRRGHHH! 

Clearly having him stand in the cat box until he figures this out would be frowned upon, right?  And I’m not sure the authorities would like me putting him out in the yard with the dog…We’ve tried leading by example, but it’s a little unsettling to have the door fly open with SB offering me a sticker.  Although he is very proud of me for using the potty, so at least I’m doing something right.  Maybe he’ll only put me on probation instead of firing me?

So my plan for next week is to psych him up, screw the charts and stickers and just go for it.  I have promised him a HUGE toy if he figures this thing out, but again – at the rate we’re going, I’m not sure what kind of toy to buy a newly potty trained 37 year old. 

 Any advice?  Bring it on, we can use it – the good, the bad and the truly stupid…help me keep my job please!


7 thoughts on “Quitting Cold Turkey

  1. Don’t sweat the small stuff, SB’s learn at different rates and I think the pressure is more adult driven than necessary (and yes Travis was slightly behind the curve as well). As far as the kind of toy to get a 37 year old…I would suggest a ’56 Chevy – it would be about 92 years old (if my math is accurate).


    • Thanks. I’ve heard boys are slower than girls so I’ll try to stop stressing about it. As for the car, I’ll keep that in mind. What guy wouldn’t want a 90 year old car? Is that a dumb question?

  2. Caren, I love your blog! It’s hillarious. I am so happy that you came to visit me at work and we exchanged info. As for the potty training, I have had several friends tell me that once they stopped stressing about it their SB’s and SG’s just did it on their own. I think 4 year olds is the new 3! Don’t let it stress you out. Now let’s talk in another year and we’ll see where I’m at with Jada. 🙂

  3. We’re still in the middle of it too at 3. Age doesn’t matter, he’ll do it when he’s ready. To heck with the over-achievers down the street, they’ll be behind in some other way and definitely stressing over something.

  4. Yep, i’ve heard boys are slower than girls too. Try taking him ‘big boy underwear’ shopping — they have some very cool character underwear that I must admit, I, myself would be interested in wearing! Seriously, if they made them in XL, i’d be all over that!

    Good luck and remember, when he graduates from those “tear offs”, you, dear Mother, will be forced to ALWAYS LOOK before you sit.

    From a Mom with a house full of ‘boys’!

    • We now have an impressive collection of Disney themed big boy underwear….he wants to wear them under or over his diapers. We’ll get there and then diapers.com will go bankrupt!

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